Secret Santana

I don't know about you, but I'm a big fan of Christmas. I always have been. I think the love affair began in 1986 when I got my first BMX and despite no other present making me feel quite as excited I have remained firmly pro Christmas to this day. My mother's continuing misjudgement of my fashion sense aside I realize I am very lucky to have a family that gets on with each other and tolerates my annual cheating at Pictionary. The shop will be open Christmas eve so I'll be getting a late train back home and I may well see Santa Claus overhead because I think he is based in the Midlands.

Our Christmas jumpers/waistcoats/cardigans have been flying off the racks. It warms my cockles to see so many people embracing the Christmas spirit although when people wet themselves laughing at our stock I have mixed emotions. Sure they're kind of meant to look hideous but I feel bad for the poor American Grandma's that probably spent months knitting them only to have them ridiculed 30 years in the future. Poor old Betsy in West Virginia. Tomorrow is national Christmas jumper day so I recommend you pick one up from us today.

You see it is possible to look hot while wearing a Christmas jumper. 

We haven't really been playing many Christmas songs in the shop although the odd one has sneaked on to the playlist. Steve is a sucker for Chris Rea's driving home for Christmas and Frankie goes to Hollywood's Power of Love. I'm partial to a bit of Aled Jones Walking In the Air but really most of the Christmas "classics" are well past their sell by date. That Slade song does nothing for me any more. Not even when he screams iiiiiiits Chriiiiiiiiiiiistmaaaaaas. I have written a Christmas song this year. My 2004 effort "alcoholic Santa" was a rip roaring success so I've had another bash. This year's is a more serious piece called "on the coldest day". Steves' Dad said it made him want to slit his wrists, so with that ringing endorsement in our ears we've decided to spread a little joy around the yuletide season and give away copies of it at our Christmas late night shopping event next Wednesday 18th. There will be Mulled Wine, there will be Mince Pies, there will be discounts, there will also be me and my musical partner Miss Helen Fisher (who is actually part Elf) performing melancholy versions of Christmas songs. If it's too busy we may perform my new Christmas song just to bring the numbers down. Either way you should come. The magic happens between 5pm and 9pm but obviously we're open all day.

Here are some Christmassy songs which I love:

While we're on the subject, it's our Christmas party tonight. Given that our official staff numbers three it's gonna be quite an event. Imagine me, Steven and our new 16 year old part timer dancing to Band Aid in a Hotel lobby and I think you'll be pretty close. If we don't end up drinking white Russians, dribbling in V bar by the end of the night I'd be very surprised. Apologies in advance to anyone who visits the shop on Friday and finds us bleary eyed and incoherent.

Did you see us in the Colchester Gazette last week? It was great article actually and well written but it did give the impression that Steven and I are a couple looking to settle down in Colchester because we couldn't afford to buy in London. We are looking to settle down and it's true that house prices in London are a joke but Steven and I are not, and never have been romantically involved. It's a purely sexual relationship.

If I don't see you before then have a ruddy marvellous Christmas and a splendid new year. Thank you for welcoming us to Colchester and being so friendly. Remember to tell the people you love that you love them and make sure you eat the toffee pennies as well as the hazel in caramels.That's a heavy handed metaphor for treating everybody the same. Life really is like a tin of Quality Street. Ho Ho Ho. Jez x